We have a massive cultural problem with how we view productivity. We attach a profound amount of moral value to getting things done. If you clean your house, you are a “good” and responsible adult. If you stare at the wall for three hours while a pile of laundry sits next to you, you are “lazy,” “unmotivated,” or “broken.”
I spend a significant amount of time in therapy sessions trying to dismantle the word “lazy.” Usually, when someone tells me they are being lazy, what they are actually describing is a nervous system that has entirely shut down.
Most people are familiar with the “fight or flight” response to stress. But there is a third option that our bodies use when a threat feels too overwhelming, or when we have been stressed for entirely too long: the “freeze” response. In clinical terms, this is often related to dorsal vagal shutdown.
When your nervous system shifts into freeze mode, it is trying to protect you by numbing you out and conserving energy. It is the biological equivalent of a possum playing dead to survive a predator. When you are in this state, your heart rate drops, your digestion slows, and your brain fog becomes impenetrable.
This is why getting up off the couch to do the dishes feels like trying to walk through wet cement. Your brain is not just unmotivated; it is actively restricting your physical energy because it perceives that shutting down is the safest option.
When you are in a freeze state, the worst thing you can possibly do is shame yourself. Telling yourself, “I am so lazy, I just need to get up, everyone else can manage a clean house,” does not motivate you. It just adds more stress to an already overwhelmed nervous system, driving you deeper into the shutdown.
You cannot bully yourself out of a freeze state. You have to gently coax your nervous system back online.
Do not look at the entire kitchen and tell yourself you have to clean it. That is too much sensory input. Instead, you have to start with micro-movements to prove to your body that you have mobility. Start by just wiggling your fingers. Then roll your ankles. Then stretch your arms over your head.
Once your body realizes it can move, give yourself a microscopic task. Do not say, “I am going to wash the dishes.” Say, “I am going to stand up and touch the kitchen counter.” That is the only goal. Usually, once you have broken the physical paralysis and you are standing at the counter, washing one single fork feels possible.
If you wash one fork and have to go back to the couch, that is a victory. You are not lazy. You are a biological organism trying to navigate an incredibly overwhelming world. Stop moralizing your fatigue and start offering yourself some grace.